February 2012
44 posts
I bet Rick Astley struggles with Lent.
5 tags
Western Civilization
Reporter: What do you think of western civilization?
Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.
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Anyone want to be part of a sports podcast to be...
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“They ought to have two new requirements for being on the police - intelligence...”
– George Carlin, You Are All Diseased
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The ultimate compendium of me pretending to know... →
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Got paid. Probably going to Rockingham for the 1/2...
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I FUCKING DID IT AGAIN.
Talking to a nice girl.
Kinda hitting it off.
Then I used the word “chubby” as a compliment, and didn’t even stop to consider that she might be insecure about her body.
Just another well-meant comment that I didn’t think through 100% and it upset her.
Ugh.
Every freaking time.
And I wonder why I’m single.
Learning experience, I guess. Better off now than...
atmosphere or aesop rock — stgccmvl
Aesop. By a mile.
2 tags
send me 2 bands and I'll choose which one I like...
Watch
Valentine's Day for me.
Valentine’s Day sucked again this year, but less for the fact that I’m single, and more for the fact that… well, I just generally feel inadequate.
I have no academic discipline, and thus I feel like I can’t get my shit together to complete a degree.
“Seasonal freelance work” doesn’t make nearly enough money as I would like it to.
My startup isn’t getting any advertisers or clients - not that...
1 tag
Fire away.
1. Who was your first kiss and what was it like?
2. Are you in a relationship? If so, are you happy?
3. Do you have a crush?
4. Who is your crush?
5. Are you a virgin?
6. What do you think of Valentine's Day?
7. Who is your Valentine?
8. Have you ever asked anyone out?
9. Who is your celebrity crush?
10. Has anyone ever asked you out and you turned them down?
11. Do you think anyone has a crush on you right now?
12. What is your favorite thing to do on Valentine's Day?
13. What's the best Valentine's Day that you've had so far?
14. What's your idea of a perfect date?
15. How do you know when you're in love?
16. Have you ever loved someone on a romantic level?
17. Do you prefer more or less clingy relationships?
18. Do you feel like you're loved on an everyday basis?
19. Are you usually the first person to make a move.
20. Have you ever asked someone out and they turned you down?
21. Do you feel like you're the dumpee or dumper most of the time?
22. What's your "type"?
23. What are some of your favorite physical characteristics for your crush to have?
24. Are you a hopeless romantic?
25. Do you think that you're a good kisser?
26. What's the farthest that you've ever gone?
27. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
28. Have you ever been someone's secret admirer?
29. Do you have romantic fantasies? If so, what are they like and who is in them?
30. What's something that always turns you on?
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Roses are red Violets are blue Cocaine is white Marijuana is green.
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Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But this one doesn’t.
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“DO YOU HAVE DETER TV”
– Actual question (?) sent by one of my Facebook friends.
After much interrogation, I found out he was asking if I have cable TV.
Or, as he spells it, cabal.
Cabal TV? That’s the best typo ever!
Reblog if you're online and you'll follow people...
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I'm not disappointed with the Grammys so much as I...
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“If there is a God, it has to be a man. No woman could or would ever fuck things...”
– George Carlin
Disclaimer: Unless, of course, it’s Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachmann.
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Last year it was Arcade Fire. This year it's...
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“Motivation is overrated. The people who are motivated are the ones who are...”
– George Carlin
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“Life is not that complicated. You get up, you go to work, you eat three meals,...”
– George Carlin
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"What in the actual fuck"
Creative expletive of the day
1 tag
POTATO CHIIIIIIIIIIIPS
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"Holy mother fucker and a half"
Creative expletive of the day.
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FUCK YOU.
How hard?
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Interrogation time. Pick one of these topics and...
1. Celebrities
2. Food
3. Karma
4. Travel
5. School
6. Work
7. Sports
8. Games
9. My family
10. My friends
11. Health
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Plato: For the greater good.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it [censored] wanted to. That's the [censored] reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ronald Reagan: I forget.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Mr. T.: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Molly Yard: It was a hen!
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.
Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.
The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.
Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.
Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.
Othello: Jealousy.
Dr. Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.
Mrs. Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning.
Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.
Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.
Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.
Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.
Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.
Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.
Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter.)
Hamlet: That is not the question.
Donne: It crosseth for thee.
Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.
Constable: To get a better view.
January 2012
18 posts
9 tags
In this year's Super Bowl mayoral bet, if the...
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8 tags
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